Death of Innocence or Perhaps Just a Dramatic Mama

The summer days have faded into fall, and a new season is upon us… It is a season of change for me and my family- and I am not just talking about the weather. Gone are the days of babies crying, toddlers running around, and young children just learning the alphabet. This year my “baby” turned 11 and started middle school, and with that a lot of things have come to an end. A lot of truths have been told. I find myself wondering if this is the Death of Innocence or Perhaps Just a Dramatic Mama desperately holding on to the past?

A Time for Truths…

My husband and I made the decision that the summer before our children started middle school it was time to have some very serious talks with them. You know all those really uncomfortable conversations that no parent truly want to have with their child. The talks about the changes in their bodies, sex (insert shudder), and discovering some truths they may not know yet! Such as there is no Santa Claus… Now some of you may be thinking, “What? Her almost middle schooler still believe in Santa Claus?”. I am happy to say a big, fat “YUUUUP”! 

One goal of mine as a parent was to protect my children’s innocence and childhoods as much as possible. The vast majority of ours lives are spent as adults dealing with some pretty heavy duty adult size problems, so I wanted my children to be young and innocent while they had the chance! As we all know time passes too quickly. A number of times my children did question if there was a Santa Claus because of conversations with other children. I simply told them “If you believe in Santa he is real, and he will visit you Christmas Eve“. Obviously that is a white lie, but a white lie that stopped many tears!

Not Ready to Let Go…

I thought like most parenting hurdles tackling the “No Santa” for the third time would be a breeze… As the summer quickly sped by I couldn’t bring myself to have ANY serious talks with Jack. If you have been following our journey you know that although Jack is 11 and a middle schooler, he has a number of special needs. Developmentally he has always been about 3 years behind. He is not quite ready to have some of the serious talks that my other children had with me at this age. However, my husband said it was still time to have the Santa talk. 

I waited a few weeks longer than normal to talk with Jack. I was so afraid to see his little heart break and selfishly I didn’t want to end my fun. It is so exciting for me to play Santa! Christmas is by far my favorite holiday, and part of that is the magic that Santa brings. I knew I had to have the conversation though. With his special needs I maybe could have put this off for a few more years, but he is a big boy. As in he is not much shorter than me and towers over everyone his age (and even quite a few children older than him). He just doesn’t look like a little boy any more, and I didn’t want someone else to tell him the truth. 

I finally found the perfect time to talk to him, and guess what? He didn’t shed a tear. I think that broke my heart more than if he would have cried! Apparently I waited too long because someone had already told him some of the truth (that Santa doesn’t put the presents under the tree). He was full of questions about who fills the stocking and if Christopher (our elf) moves on his own though. That night in the shower my tears flowed freely. I am relieved that my son was not as upset as my other two were when they were told the truth, but it was still hard for me. 

So you tell me… Is this the Death of Innocence or Perhaps Just a Dramatic Mama being extremely emotional?

Part of that childhood magic is now gone from my house. After 15+ years of parenting a lot of things have come to an end. There are no baby teeth left for the Tooth Fairy. There will be no Trick-or-Treating in a few weeks. And there will be no anticipation of Santa and his reindeer arriving late in the night… My Mama heart is aching. This time has come far too soon. I feel as though I should still have a house full of babies still, but the reality is those days have been gone for many years. 

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